Therapy for Low Self-Esteem In Person and Online
Transform Your Story: Overcome Low Self-Esteem
What is Self Esteem?
Self esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It is a combination of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about your own worth. People with high self esteem believe in themselves and their abilities. They have a good dose of confidence: feeling self-assured in their value as a human being; it is associated with overall satisfaction in life. On the other hand, people who have either too much or too little sense of worth typically struggle a bit more and report less satisfaction in life.
When people have too much self-love, they often hold a sense of entitlement and act in self-centered, arrogant and manipulative ways in relationships, work and other parts of their lives. Although seemingly confident, these people often struggle with low self esteem. On the other end of the scale, those with too little self esteem have a sense of unworthiness. This low level of self-worth can hinder them from achieving their potential as well as seeking relationships or situations that are fulfilling. In both circumstances (where one has too much or too little levels of self-worth), feelings of inadequacy and insecurity tend to be the culprit.
Factors that can influence self esteem
There are many factors that can influence self esteem, including:
Your family and upbringing
The way you were raised can have a big impact on your self-esteem. If you were raised in a supportive and loving environment, you are more likely to have a good dose of (high) self esteem. However, if you were raised in a negative or critical environment, you are more likely to have levels of self-esteem that can range anywhere in between too high or too low.
Your experiences
The things that happen to you in your life can also affect your self-esteem. If you have had positive experiences, such as achieving your goals or being praised for your accomplishments, you are more likely to experience higher self-esteem. However, if you have had negative experiences, such as being bullied or abused, you are more likely to struggle with self esteem issues.
Your thoughts and beliefs
The way you think about yourself can also affect your self-esteem. If you believe and identify with thoughts such as "I'm just not good enough" or "I'm a failure," you are more likely to face self-esteem concerns. However, if you are able to manage these thoughts and embrace a growth-mindset: "I may not be great at this right now, but I am capable, and with practice and effort, I can improve," then you are more likely to experience greater confidence and self-esteem.
What are Signs of Low Self Esteem?
Low self esteem is a state of m ind in which a person has a negative opinion of oneself. They may feel worthless, inadequate, or insecure. People with low self esteem often have difficulty believing in themselves or their abilities. They may also be more likely to experience anxiety and depression. Those who struggle with low self esteem tend to exhibit insecure behaviors. For example, they may show:
Lack of confidence
People with low self esteem constantly doubt themselves and sell themselves short. Consequently they miss out on opportunities and settle for what they believe they deserve. In fact, they may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors (e.g., avoidance, procrastination, setting unrealistic standards or making negative predictions) because they question their abilities and are afraid of failing as well as being judged by others
Difficulty accepting compliments
People with low self have a hard time accepting compliments. Compliments tend to make them extremely uncomfortable and unsure of how to respond because it clashes with their negative self image. They often have negative thoughts about themselves, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not worthy of being praised." These thoughts can make it difficult for them to believe that someone would actually compliment them. Furthermore, they may have a hard time trusting others—this includes people who are close to them. This can make it difficult for them to believe that someone is being genuine about their compliment. Those with low self-esteem are frequently afraid of being rejected, even when it comes to compliments. They may worry that if they accept a compliment, the person will then take it back or that s/he will be disappointed in them later.
People pleaser
People with low self esteem may be afraid of conflict because they worry that they will be rejected, criticized or disliked. They may try to avoid conflict by being agreeable, even if it means going against their own needs or beliefs. Additionally, some people may have been taught to be agreeable as a way of getting along with others or avoiding conflict. If this is the case, they may not even realize that they are being agreeable because it has become such a habit.
External locus of control
When people have low self esteem, they often believe that things are outside of their control. Consequently, they contribute their successes to luck or chance, rather than seeing their own hard work or effort as contributing factors to their successes. With that said, they believe that their failures are due to external factors as well. Therefore, they often blame their failures on other people, events, or circumstances, rather than taking responsibility for their own actions. Those struggling with low self-worth have a tendency to give up easily; when encountered with a challenge, they may be more likely to give up because they believe they can’t succeed. They are also likely to put off tasks or goals because they feel like they are not in control of their own outcomes.
Seek approval and praise from others
It’s difficult to feel good about yourself when you have low self-worth. To feel better, those struggling with low self esteem may repeatedly seek approval, praise, or compliments from others—as uncomfortable as it might be, praise can provide a boost. Because those with low self-esteem have an external locus of control, they may look for external rewards to feel better about themselves; however, the satisfaction of external rewards are only surface (or temporary) “fixes” to deeper root issues.
Have difficulty communicating needs
Many people with low self esteem are hesitant to ask for help. They may feel like they are not worthy of being heard or respected. Many times, they are afraid of being judged or criticized and worry that their needs will be rejected or ignored. These factors can make it difficult for people with low self esteem to communicate their needs in a clear and assertive way. They may be afraid to speak up for themselves, or they may not even know what they want or need in the first place. As a result, they end up feeling resentful, frustrated, or even angry.
Frequently apologizing
People with low self esteem tend to have the negative outlook that things are inevitably going to go wrong, and they are constantly ready to say, “I’m sorry,” even if it’s clearly not their fault. It may feel easier to assume apology than to be in discomfort or to possibly offend others. Consequently, they often take-on the burden for the comfort of others.
Self-deprecating humor
Those dealing with low self esteem tend to put themselves in “the line of fire” by making themselves or their shortcomings the punchline. Humor is often used as a way to cope with unpleasant or difficult feelings. For instance, we often use humor to lighten the mood and to make ourselves feel more in control of certain circumstances. Furthermore, humor can diffuse a tense situation. Although self-deprecating humor may seem like a harmless way to cope with low self esteem (after all, who doesn’t like to laugh?), it can actually be harmful in the long run.
For people dealing with low self esteem, self-deprecating humor may be used as a way to get ahead of criticism. If they make jokes about their own flaws, they may feel like they are disarming the other person and making it less likely that they will be criticized. People with low self esteem may also use self-deprecating humor as a way to gain approval from others. If they make jokes about themselves, they may feel like they are making themselves more relatable and likable to others.
Being defensive
Being defensive is a way of reacting to a perceived threat or attack. It can involve verbal or physical aggression, or it can simply involve withdrawing from a situation. People struggling with low esteem may react strongly when they feel vulnerable. For example, if they feel unfairly judged, criticized and/or misunderstood, they may respond by actively or passively retaliating with the intention of hurting the other person—just as they were hurt. The retaliative behaviors often make them feel justified and it gives them a sense of control over their vulnerability.
Lack of proper boundaries
People with low self esteem feel like they need to do whatever others want in order to be accepted or loved. They may be afraid to set boundaries because they fear that others will reject them if they do not comply. Some of the reasons why people with low self esteem lack personal boundaries include:
- Having the belief that one is not worthy of respect. For instance, if an individual grew up in an environment where s/he was constantly criticized or belittled, s/he will likely internalize the message that s/he is not worthy of respect. This can lead to difficulty setting boundaries as an adult, as the person may feel like s/he deserves to be treated poorly.
- Fearing rejection and abandonment. People with low self esteem may worry that if they set boundaries, others will reject them or leave them. This fear can make it difficult to say no to others or to stand up for themselves.
- Having a difficult time saying no. When people have low self esteem, they may feel like they need to please others in order to be liked or accepted. This can cause them to take on too much and feel overwhelmed.
- Trying to please others. People with low self esteem often try to please others because they don’t want to feel alienated, or because they believe that they are not worthy of respect unless they make others happy.
Difficulty making decision
Those with low self esteem tend to constantly second-guess themselves and worry about the consequences of their choices, making them indecisive about many things in life. As a result, they prefer to follow other’s choices rather than choosing. There are several reasons that make it difficult for them to make decisions. For instance, they may believe that they are not capable of making good decisions, or that they will always make the wrong decision. Additionally, they may avoid making decisions because they are extremely afraid that if they do make a mistake, it will have dire consequences. They may also be worried about disappointing others, and that if they make a decision that others don't agree with, they’ll be judged or rejected.
Critical inner voice
When people have low self esteem, they have a critical inner voice. It is a negative voice that constantly criticizes and judges them. It can be very harsh and can make anyone feel bad about themselves. This inner critic responds adversely to any positive thing in life as well. So even if something good happens, like getting a promotion or finding a romantic relationship, the individual tends to focus on how she/he might mess it up rather than being in the moment and enjoying it.
Being critical of others
People with low self esteem have difficulty feeling good about themselves. They not only engage in self-criticism, but they frequently engage in being extremely critical of others as well. Some of the reasons include:
- To feel superior. When people feel insecure about themselves, they may put others down in order to feel better about themselves. This is a way of trying to boost their own self esteem by making themselves feel better than others.
- To deflect attention from their own flaws. People with low self esteem may focus on the flaws of others as a way of distracting from their own flaws. This is a way of trying to avoid feeling bad about themselves by focusing on the flaws of others.
- To feel in control. People with low self esteem may feel like they have no control over their own lives. By being critical of others, they may feel like they have some control over the situation. This is a way of trying to feel like they are in charge.
Negative social comparison
When people struggle with self esteem issues, they often look to others for validation. They may compare themselves to others in order to see if they measure up. If they see that others are doing better than them, it can be devastating and confirm their negative self-beliefs. This can be especially common in social media, where people are constantly bombarded with images of other people who seem to be more successful or attractive. On the other hand, if they see that others are doing worse than them, it can temporarily make them feel better about themselves. People with low self esteem may compare themselves to others in order to figure out where they fit in the world. They may be trying to see if they are as good as or better than others, in order to feel like they belong.
Pessimistic outlook on life
Worry often occurs when we ruminate on what already happened in the past and what could happen in the future. It prevents us from focusing on and engaging in the present moment. When we are mindful, we are less likely to get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions. This can help to reduce stress and anxiety. When you are mindful, you are more likely to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. This can help you to understand yourself better and to make conscious choices. Likewise, you are more likely to be present in your relationships and to listen to others without judgment. This can help you to build stronger and more fulfilling relationships. Being mindful allows us to focus on the task at hand, opening opportunities to live purposefully.
How to Improve Self Esteem
Low self esteem can become a deeply rooted part of a person’s nature. You can improve self esteem by practicing healthy, self-care techniques:
Live mindfully and purposefully
Worry often occurs when we ruminate on what already happened in the past and what could happen in the future. It prevents us from focusing on and engaging in the present moment. When we are mindful, we are less likely to get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions. This can help to reduce stress and anxiety. When you are mindful, you are more likely to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. This can help you to understand yourself better and to make conscious choices. Likewise, you are more likely to be present in your relationships and to listen to others without judgment. This can help you to build stronger and more fulfilling relationships. Being mindful allows us to focus on the task at hand, opening opportunities to live purposefully.
Practice self-compassion and acceptance
Practice treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would kindly treat a friend. It means accepting yourself unconditionally for who you are, with all your flaws and imperfections. It also means being kind to yourself when you make mistakes, and not beating yourself up.
Practice self-responsibility and discipline
Self-responsibility is the ability to take ownership of your actions and consequences. It means that you are accountable and in charge of your choices and behaviors, both positive and negative. When you make a mistake, you learn from it and own up to it, rather than placing blame on others or making excuses. Furthermore, consistently and deliberately taking actions that are in line with your values, builds a strong sense of security and self-worth.
Practice assertiveness
Assertiveness is a healthy balance between passivity and aggression. To practice assertiveness, stand up for your rights and express your needs in a clear and direct way, while respecting the rights and needs of others. Wellness includes taking action to put yourself first and setting healthy boundaries.
Live authentically
Living authentically requires being honest and having strong moral principles. When you live your life with integrity, you are being true to yourself and to your values, even when it is difficult.
Seek support
Talk to a therapist or others who can help you to understand the root of your low self esteem and develop strategies for coping with it.
Get Counseling to Overcome Low Self Esteem in Fort Lauderdale Florida and Online
Thank you for reading this resource about getting counseling to overcome low self esteem. With over two decades of experience as a licensed psychologist, I've developed a deep understanding of the human mind, encompassing cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects. This extensive background equips me to effectively address a wide range of challenges people face. By combining research-based approaches with personalized care, I help clients achieve meaningful and lasting change. My priority for you is to create a kind of space where you feel at ease, understood and connected so that you can be yourself and work on the matters most important to you. I will help you cultivate self-compassion, curiosity, courage along with effective strategies to create the type of life you want.
My clients are remarkable individuals. It is a privilege to earn their trust and share in their most personal experiences. I see my clients as heroes in their life story, and I am inspired by their courage, strength and resilience.
I am Donna Hillier, a licensed clinical psychologist serving high-achieving clients in Florida. I provide discreet services uniquely customized for high-profile personalities, public figures and elite individuals who desire genuine connection and help from a professional who truly understands.
Ready to Transform Your Story?
Donna is here to help you transform your story. Reach out to schedule a time to discuss how we can work together.
Find Treatment
Do you need help with something else? Take a look at some of the other things Donna helps clients overcome:
Conditions
Career
Personal Development
Relationships
Who Donna Treats
I am Donna Hillier, a licensed clinical psychologist serving high-achieving clients in Florida. I provide discreet services uniquely customized for high-profiled personalities, public figures and elite individuals who desire genuine connection and help from a professional who truly understands.
Where Donna Serves Clients
Donna provides services to clients globally online, as well as in person in the Fort Lauderdale and South Florida areas. Here are some of the great cities Donna serves in Florida:
Treatment techniques Donna Uses
Donna provides therapy for high achievers using a variety of evidence-based treatment techniques including the following: