Acceptance and Commitment Therapy In Person and Online
Transform Your Story with: Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy (ACT)
There’s a perception that wealth and tangible achievements provide greater assurance of security and happiness. However, the most elite and accomplished clients I work with all struggle with hurt and pain of life. We ALL deal with life problems such as health issues, relationship problems, insecurities, or loss and grief. Many successful people find that their status either magnifies their problems or creates additional problems, which few understand or empathize with. This often leads to isolation, loneliness, anxiety and sadness. The challenges you encounter are often compounded by guilt and embarrassment, as you suffer from stigmas and false perception that wealth is supposed to make you happier. However, there is no amount of wealth or external attainment that exonerates us from life struggle and varying pain we will feel in life. It cannot replace our internal desire for love, connection, appreciation, acceptance, and emotional wellness. Continue reading to learn one of the main ways I treat high achieving clients using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Florida.
What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), also known as “act,” is about accepting how we feel head-on and taking action to change. However, it’s not just about taking any type of action; Actions guided by our deepest values are used to build a more meaningful and fulfilling life. ACT assumes that no matter how wonderful life is, we will eventually experience pain. In fact, we will experience repeated pain throughout our lives. If we live long enough, we will face love and loss in relationships, illness, injury and aging. The natural feelings that derive from these occurrences can be deeply painful, and unfortunately many of us don’t know what to do with our pain. Oftentimes, the pain seems so unbearable that we instinctively look for ways to get rid of it quickly. These behaviors that help us avoid unpleasant and unwanted thoughts and feelings can temporarily reduce distress, but it typically causes greater misery and keeps us trapped in a loop of “stuckness.” According to Russ Harris (2019), “The word “stuckness” describes acting in rigid ways such that our problems get bigger or don’t change.” Good news is, when you understand what tends to keep you stuck, you’ve taken the first step toward moving out of this loop. Keep reading to learn about the 6 core therapeutic processes of ACT and how it can help you.
The 6 Processes of ACT That Can Help you Become “Unstuck” and Move Forward
1. Acceptance
The further we move away from our pain, the more pain we will inevitably feel. That’s because pain, whether emotional or physical, is our body’s way of communicating that there’s a problem that needs to be addressed. If we move away from pain, we move further away from understanding it and finding a solution. Likewise, the closer we allow ourselves to listen and observe our pain, the closer we can be to resolving it. When distressing thoughts and feelings appear, it literally hurts and makes it harder for us to move forward. It doesn’t matter how good our quality of life and how privileged our circumstances are, when we are faced with life challenges, we can become stuck in a constant loop of our struggle that impacts every part of our lives. Choosing to be more open (accepting) to the reality of our painful thoughts, feelings, memories, impulses, sensations--as uncomfortable as it might be--can allow us to let go of our struggles and focus on what really matters.
2. Cognitive Defusion
Let’s start with fusion. Fusion is when you confuse your thoughts with reality. Some thoughts can get stuck in your head and keep you “hooked” on your troubling thoughts (e.g., this is hopeless). The more you attempt to stop or control them (i.e., forcing yourself to “Don’t think about this”), or talk yourself out of them—the worse they usually get. The troubling thoughts get too much of your focus, take over your experience and negatively influence your actions. You become “fused” (or “hooked”) to them, believing they are true and giving them credence, even though they're mere thoughts. As the author Robert Fulghum was wise to say, “Don’t believe everything you think.”
On the other hand, cognitive defusion is changing how we relate to our thoughts. Use the tool of defusion to “unhook” from your troubling thoughts by practicing the following steps:
1.) Take a “step back” and become aware of your thinking without judging them, labeling them or reacting to them. A technique often used to take a step back is The Hand in Front of your Face: Cover your face with your hands, so you can’t see anything. Now gently move the hands back. Your thoughts are like that. If you want to see clearly, you must distance yourself from your thoughts.
2.) See your thoughts as if they were an object. For instance, visualize a beach ball in a pool and watch the ball moving slowly across it. Now visualize the ball as your unwanted thoughts. You can try to get rid of those thoughts by pushing the ball deeper into the water, but all it does is usurp all of your focus and energy until you’re exhausted—to only have the ball pop right back up to the surface. In the meantime, you have no idea what’s going on with your friends hanging at the pool with you because your attention is on getting rid of the ball.
3.) Make a choice about what you want to do with those unwanted thoughts (the ball). Remember, our thoughts are nothing more or less than streams of words or images. You can allow them to guide you, but not dominate you. It is possible to observe the ball (i.e., I must do xxx to be happy) AND engage in activities that bring you authentic joy.
3. Being Present
Living in the moment is hard, especially when your focus is on ruminating about what happened in the past and/or worrying about what will happen in the future. To live a fulfilling life, you need to be present in your experiences. The present moment you are in—right here, right now—is the only time that you are ever going to be able to take action. This very exact moment is all that truly exists; All else is in your mind. Our brains are wired to protect us from harm and keep us safe–thanks to the amygdala! When this threat detector sounds off the alarm, it sends signals to our nervous system to activate and be on high alert. It releases stress hormones that prepare our bodies to “fight, flight or freeze.” The problem is, our brain sees a lot of things as possible threats and sounds the alarm more often than needed. However, If we take a “step back” and create distance from our disturbing thoughts, we allow the prefrontal cortex of our brain to intervene, see things more objectively and solve problems. Being in the present moment is a step towards defusion. It requires full awareness: engaging in as many of your senses in whatever you are doing, letting your thoughts come and go, and allowing your feelings to be there. By being present, you can experience events with greater clarity and focus.
4. Self as Context
You may have distressing thoughts and feelings, but you are not those thoughts and feelings. When problems exist for an extended period of time, it's hard not to eventually evaluate and conclude that you are the problem (e.g., I’m broken, I’m inadequate). This process is called Self as Content: describing and evaluating yourself as you would describe and evaluate the qualities of an object. Self as Context or “observing self” is a viewpoint (a place) where we can notice your experience for what it is without being caught up in it. This process allows you to distinguish yourself from the things you are struggling with and trying to change.
ACT uses a lot of metaphors to help you gain greater understanding of its concepts. Take the The Sky and Weather metaphor as an example of Self as Context: Thoughts and feelings are like the weather; They are always changing. Sometimes fine, sometimes windy and rainy. In contrast, the observing self is like the sky; It is always there and cannot be harmed or changed by any kind of bad weather. Sometimes it is totally obscured by clouds, but above the clouds it is still there.
Essentially, no matter how you think, feel or see yourself at the moment, it doesn’t define who you are. When you remember that you are much more than your problems, you become less stuck in them.
5. Values
You may have distressing thoughts and feelings, but you are not those thoughts and feelings. When problems exist for an extended period of time, it's hard not to eventually evaluate and conclude that you are the problem (e.g., I’m broken, I’m inadequate). This process is called Self as Content: describing and evaluating yourself as you would describe and evaluate the qualities of an object. Self as Context or “observing self” is a viewpoint (a place) where we can notice your experience for what it is without being caught up in it. This process allows you to distinguish yourself from the things you are struggling with and trying to change.
ACT uses a lot of metaphors to help you gain greater understanding of its concepts. Take the The Sky and Weather metaphor as an example of Self as Context: Thoughts and feelings are like the weather; They are always changing. Sometimes fine, sometimes windy and rainy. In contrast, the observing self is like the sky; It is always there and cannot be harmed or changed by any kind of bad weather. Sometimes it is totally obscured by clouds, but above the clouds it is still there.
Essentially, no matter how you think, feel or see yourself at the moment, it doesn’t define who you are. When you remember that you are much more than your problems, you become less stuck in them.
6. Committed Action
If you want things to change, you have to change things. Just thinking or wishing about it is not enough. It's common to become very attached to ways of doing things, even when what you're doing doesn't work. Change can be difficult, scary and overwhelming. Using tools for Committed Action allows you to 1.) realize that no matter how difficult your situation is, you still have choices, 2.) use mindful, values-based problems solving to create a plan for change, 3.) take small, concrete steps that aligns you closer to what matters to you, even if your problems are still there, and 4.) transform your experience and how you feel.
The dogged pursuit of achievements can bring great pride and joy, but it typically doesn’t last long before the relentless desire for more has you, “the trailblazer,” pursuing the “next big thing.” High performers who have an overachieving mindset may have a difficult time experiencing long-standing satisfaction of their accomplishments. They set high expectations for themselves and they struggle with quenching their insatiable desire for accomplishments--seeing the end result as a representation of their self worth. This self-induced pressure comes at a price, as the great sacrifices they make are often detrimental to their relationships, personal fulfillment, as well as physical and emotional well-being. With that said, it may not come as a surprise that the uncompromising drive to “cross the finish line” is tied to stress, burn-out and unhappiness. In fact, research shows that high-achievers are at greater risk for depression. The estimated rate for depression for CEOs has shown to be as high as 50% when compared to the national level of 20% (Barnard, 2010; Burguieres, 2008). Achievement driven individuals are also prone to anxiety, as fear plays a critical role in the emotional pursuit of deep-seated feelings of being enough. This fear often drives the desire for perfection.
“When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun.”—
Dr. Brene Brown
On the outside, high achievers appear to be perfect-- they seem like they have everything. But, what many don’t know or understand is that they frequently live in fear of the shame of not being good enough, so they attempt to solve these internal problems of self-worth externally (e.g., money, awards, promotions, ideal beauty, etc.). Unfortunately, many high-achievers suffer in silence and isolation. Recently, there’s been greater recognition from high-profiled personalities, public figures and elite individuals who are opening-up and speaking about their own struggles and embracing the prioritization of mental health.
A tremendous amount of research shows that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help high achieving individuals be ambitious AND live fulfilled, while you heal. Here are some of the ways that ACT can help high achievers:
- Helping them to accept their thoughts and feelings: High achievers often have a hard time accepting their thoughts and feelings, especially negative ones. ACT teaches them to accept their thoughts and feelings as they are, without judging them or trying to change them. This can help them to reduce their anxiety and to focus on taking action towards their goals.
- Helping them to identify their values: ACT helps high achievers to identify their values, which are the things that are most important to them in life. Once they identify what truly matters to them, they can start to take action towards living a life that is in alignment with their values.
- Helping them to take action towards their values: ACT teaches high achievers how to take action towards their values in a way that is sustainable and that does not lead to burnout. They learn to set realistic goals, to break down large goals into smaller steps, and to reward themselves for their accomplishments.
ACT is a flexible and creative therapy that can be tailored to the individual needs of high achievers. If you are a high achiever who is struggling with perfectionism, sadness anxiety, or burnout, ACT may be a helpful option for you. Talk to your mental health professional to learn more about ACT and to see if it is right for you.
Here are some additional tips for high achievers who are considering ACT therapy:
- Find a therapist who is experienced in ACT: ACT is a relatively new therapy, so it is important to find a therapist who is experienced in using it. You can ask your doctor or other health service provider for a referral or do an online search.
- Be willing to be open-minded: ACT is a different type of therapy than traditional talk therapy. It involves learning new skills and practicing them in your everyday life. Be willing to be open-minded and to try new things.
- Be patient: ACT takes time to work. Don't expect to see results overnight. Be patient and keep practicing the skills you learn in therapy.
If you are willing to put in the work, ACT can be a helpful therapy for high achievers who are struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, sadness, or burnout.
How do I find an Acceptance and Commitment Therapist?
Start your search for a therapist who can provide Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by looking for a licensed professional: psychologist, mental health counselor, social worker or other credentialed mental health professions that have training and experience implementing ACT. While there are no certification requirements for therapists providing ACT, clinicians must have formal training in ACT in order to practice it. Be sure to ask about the therapist’s training and experience during your first meeting. It’s also important to note that while these credentials are important, it is also essential to choose a therapist that is the right match for you.
Get ACT Treatment in Florida
Thank you for reading this resource on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. With over two decades of experience as a licensed psychologist, I've developed a deep understanding of the human mind, encompassing cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects. This extensive background equips me to effectively address a wide range of challenges people face. By combining research-based approaches with personalized care, I help clients achieve meaningful and lasting change. My priority for you is to create a kind of space where you feel at ease, understood and connected so that you can be yourself and work on the matters most important to you. I will help you cultivate self-compassion, curiosity, courage along with effective strategies to create the type of life you want.
My clients are remarkable individuals. It is a privilege to earn their trust and share in their most personal experiences. I see my clients as heroes in their life story, and I am inspired by their courage, strength and resilience.
I am Donna Hillier, a licensed clinical psychologist serving high-achieving clients in Florida. I provide discreet services uniquely customized for high-profile personalities, public figures and elite individuals who desire genuine connection and help from a professional who truly understands
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Who Donna Treats
I am Donna Hillier, a licensed clinical psychologist serving high-achieving clients in Florida. I provide discreet services uniquely customized for high-profiled personalities, public figures and elite individuals who desire genuine connection and help from a professional who truly understands.
Where Donna Serves Clients
Donna provides services to clients globally online, as well as in person in the Fort Lauderdale and South Florida areas. Here are some of the great cities Donna serves in Florida:
Treatment techniques Donna Uses
Donna provides therapy for high achievers using a variety of evidence-based treatment techniques including the following: